Self-Regulation
Self-regulation is about control over ourselves and what we do. This could look like setting and meeting goals, calming down our bodies when we are upset, resisting temptations, and being mindful of our feelings and tendencies. Self-regulation is often discussed in tandem with grit and, like grit and other strengths, is a character strength can be grown and depleted like a muscle.
According to VIA, “Research findings indicate people with high self-control report fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression, are better able to control anger, and generally get along better with people. Self-regulation is linked with better personal adjustment, such as having fewer physical and psychological problems and having a greater sense of self-acceptance and self-esteem in relationships.”
Kids high in self-regulation who may overuse this strength and come across as rigid or obsessive in certain situations, while kids who are not bringing enough self-control to a situation may come across as impulsive or undisciplined.
Here are some recommended children’s books that model, celebrate and/or explore self-regulation, from kids who are dealing with emotional dysregulation to managing impulses and trying to build new habits and skills.
Wemberly worries about everything. This is a reassuring read for kids who worry often and a great book to start conversations about what worrying looks like, why we worry, and how we can calm ourselves and self-soothe when we are stressed.
Artist: Kevin Henkes
Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes
A relatable story about a day that starts badly and keeps going downhill. Despite having a positive outlook, the boy’s day doesn’t much improve, and that’s okay—there’s always tomorrow, a fresh start. The illustrations in this book are full of deep color and texture and bring to life with the specific stresses of the boy’s day.
Artist: Aliya King Neil
Keep Your Head Up by Aliya King Neil
A fun way to explore self-regulation—the script is flipped as Mama Bear and Papa Bear encourage Henry Bear to stay up late, skip school, and eat cake for breakfast and candy for dinner. Henry is tired and miserable with too much indulgence and makes a wish to restore healthy habits and self-control to his home.
Artist: Liam Francis Walsh
Make a Wish, Henry Bear by Liam Francis Walsh
A beautifully illustrated book that makes observation, patience and self-control the start of something magical. The simple soothing writing and dreamy illustrations inspire wonder and sense of twinkling anticipation. This could be a fun one to read along with Owl Moon (featured in Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence) as both books explore how the best things are worth waiting (and working) for.
Artist: Julie Fogliano (Author) and Erin E. Stead (Illustrator)
If You Want to See a Whale by Julie Fogliano
A young boy in busy Tokyo seeks silence. This thoughtfully illustrated story encourages kids to listen to themselves to find their equilibrium. There are many great reads about kids seeking peace and quiet when they are dysregulated; this one celebrates the quiet kid who needs silent time to feel himself and provides apt example on how it might be found even in loud chaotic places. Kids who like graphic novels and comics will appreciate the detail, lines and breadth of carefully drawn scenes and faces, too.
Artist: Katrina Goldsaito and Julia Kuo
The Sound of Silence by Katrina Goldsaito
A vivid, richly drawn book that explores how we deal with big feelings. This is a great read for opening up conversations on how to acknowledge, accept and move through negative feelings, as opposed to bottling them up or hiding from them. The main character also shows how to one strength, in this case bravery, to activate another, self-regulation.
Artist: Deborah Marcero
Out of a Jar by Deborah Marcero
Isabella is so loud that her classmates call her Decibella. A helpful teacher introduces a funny clever way to think through which volume of voice she should use when. I like that this book feels so positive and empowers the main character to learn etiquette in a way that is fun and builds confidence.
Decibella and Her 6-Inch Voice by Julia Cook
Clark is lovable and full of loud enthusiasm for school and life. A kind teacher helps him learn t match his energy to the environment and control himself around others and in the classroom.
Artist: Bruce Hale (Author) and Guy Francis (Illustrator)
Teacher’s guide (PDF)
Family guide (PDF)
Clark the Shark by Bruce Hale
I like this one because the child gets a chance to help her mother self-regulate. Saturday is a special day for this family, full of tradition and long-anticipated fun. Unfortunately one Saturday nothing goes to plan and, after keeping a positive attitude for so long, the mother finally crumples in frustration. With calm reassurance, the little girl turns things around and the two work together to salvage the day and make it great.
Artist: Oge Mora
Saturday by Oge Mora
Explores how problems get bigger when they are ignored. In this book, animals go about their days in the city as it begins to flood. As time goes on, the flooding begins to grow until normal life is untenable. The book is beautiful to look at while exploring why we must face our own challenges in life in a very visual way. Also a good one to explore with the character strength of teamwork.
Artist: Mariajo Ilustrajo
Flooded by Mariajo Ilustrajo
